


hold me while i molt

by killuatea



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, College AU, Drinking, M/M, Making Out, Slow Burn, brief KuroAka
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killuatea/pseuds/killuatea
Summary: The transition between high school and college is never easy. In Akaashi's case, it's full of anxiety, fuck ups, and regret. And to make matters worse, he's growing bird feathers.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 21
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Hold Me While I Molt! This is my first fan fiction in 5 years, so forgive me if I'm a bit rusty. The story is based on my senior project, which is a feature length screenplay of the same name, and very similar story, give or take a few changes. A lot of it stems from my personal college experiences as well, and it's very comforting to write out those experiences, much like the journal Akaashi keeps in the story.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Late August is the best time of year. The temperature isn’t too hot, but it isn’t too cold either. The leaves are just barely beginning to change color, and the only time it’s cloudy is during a wonderfully warm thunderstorm. These are the things Akaashi Keiji thinks of as he walks towards his new home, a 12 story tall brick building with uniform windows and doors. 

Rows of cars line the street in front of said building, people lacing in between them, carrying boxes and other furniture. Mothers, fathers, children, and the new college freshmen themselves pile into the building like ants, carrying items too heavy for them, and returning to grab more. Akaashi studies these people silently while in a line to get his room key. Compared to them, he has practically nothing- only a backpack and a suitcase. Being local means that he can visit his parents to grab anything he forgets or ends up needing, so what’s the point of bringing it all with him now? He’ll just need to buy bedding to fit the oddly proportioned mattresses. Akaashi makes a mental note to do so. 

If it weren’t for his parents eager to move him, the youngest child, out of the house, Akaashi would’ve stayed with them, commuting to classes when need be. In the end he agreed with his mom that the experience would be good for him, and since he was here on scholarship anyways, it wouldn’t hurt his family. Akaashi sighs and moves up in line.

An older woman sits at the small table, constantly sifting through bins of small envelopes holding student IDs and room keys. Once it’s his turn, Akaashi can barely say his name.

“What?” the woman barks. Akaashi gulps before trying again. “Akaashi Keiji” he says, a bit louder this time. The woman rummages through the bin before finding an envelope with the matching name. “Keiji, right?” 

Akaashi nods, taking the envelope once it’s extended to him, and leaves quickly. 

Unfortunately leaving one line leads him to wait in another, since there’s only one elevator, and between the amount of people and boxes, it’s going to be a long wait. Akaashi checks the room number on his envelope. 541. He eventually decides to take the stairs to the fifth floor instead of waiting.

The hike up to his floor isn’t as grueling of a task as he thought it would be, however Akaashi was suddenly reminded that he wouldn’t be living alone. He would have a roommate just like every other student. And that roommate could very well have already claimed a bed and taken over space. 

I’m here pretty early… maybe he hasn’t gotten here yet, Akaashi thinks to himself. Meeting a roommate is fine, but the last thing he wants is for his new roommate to have his entire family here sending him off-

Akaashi opens his door to a full house. Two children, a teenager, and what seems to be their mother are running around the room unpacking various things and checking out the amenities. The teenager is actually quite small, sporting gelled hair and athletic wear. He’s sprawled over one of the twin beds, trying to put on a fitted sheet, but failing. The commotion in the room comes to a stop, and the family looks over at Akaashi. 

“Hey! You must be Akaashi!” the teenager exclaims, giving up on the bedsheet and standing up. He smiles wide and waves. “I’m Nishinoya- but most people call me Noya.” 

Akaashi forces a slight smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

The older woman- presumably Noya’s mother- shuffles her two younger children out of the way for Akaashi to set his things down. 

“I hope you don’t mind, I already picked my side of the room,” Noya says, resuming his progress on making his bed.

“No, this is perfect, thank you.” Akaashi replies, looking at his bed and desk. At least one thing is going his way today, he got the side of the room next to the window. He unpacks his backpack, which carries his laptop, and a couple toiletries. His suitcase only has some clothes, however Noya’s mother and siblings are folding clothes and putting them in Noya’s dresser- which is right next to Akaashi’s. He makes a note to unpack his clothing later. 

There’s nothing wrong with his roommate after his first impression, but he and his family seem to talk an octave louder than a normal one would, and Akaashi needs a little quiet. He grabs his wallet and tells Noya he’ll be back later, before slipping out of the room.

Once back in the lobby, Akaashi notices that the commotion has only gotten worse, and he assumes that the bookstore won’t be much different. He plugs in some earbuds and tries to drown out the noise. It’s not that effective.

The bookstore is exactly as he expected it to be, packed to the brim with students and family members looking for textbooks, stationary, and hoodies branded with “Fukurodani Academy”. Akaashi scans the stationary aisle and grabs a couple lined notebooks for class, along with the basic pens and highlighters. A blue leather journal catches his eye as he exits the aisle, and Akaashi studies it for a moment before picking it up and bringing it with him.

He picks out a bedding set, a plain white one, before heading to the textbooks. He only needs one- a short story anthology for his Literature class. Much to his dismay, the shelf is blocked by two men. Akaashi takes out his earbuds, and takes a deep breath in preparation for the feat that is simply asking them to move. 

“Why does it have to be so expensive!” one of them shouts, pulling at his silver hair.  
The other picks up one of the books and flips through the pages. “Shut up, my chemistry textbook is 200 dollars, this is nothing,” he says, picking up a second book and shoving it in the silver haired boy’s hands. 

Akaashi clears his throat. “Excuse me-”

The two men turn to look at Akaashi at the same time and it startles him. “I just need to grab a book, sorry.” The men quickly apologize and step to each side of the shelf. Akaashi awkwardly approaches the shelf and grabs the book the two were arguing about just a few seconds earlier.

“I take it you’re in Literature 115?” the first man says. His hair is styled similarly to his silver haired friend, except it’s entirely jet black, and maybe a bit messier, like he just rolled out of bed. Akaashi nods. “Ah, same here, except I take it you’re a freshman?” he asks again. Akaashi agrees, and the other friend pipes up. “We’re sophomores, but we need a liberal arts class.” 

Akaashi isn’t good at small talk, and plans to say something like “Cool, see you later,” and make his exit. But the boys have other plans.

“I’m Kuroo, and this is Bokuto.” 

The two smile after the introduction, and Akaashi feels the need to reciprocate. He forces a smile before introducing himself. “Nice to meet you, I’m Akaashi.”

“Ah - kash - ee. Nice name!” The one known as Bokuto says. Akaashi swallows hard and turns on his heel to make his escape. “I guess I’ll see you guys in class on Monday.” he says, waving to the boys, who return the gesture. This college thing is already way too hard on him, it’s been a while since he’s had to meet new people without the safety of his more outgoing friends. 

Akaashi checks out and begins the trek back to his room. The elevator line hasn’t gone down much, and students are flowing into the building at an even higher rate than they were an hour ago. Once on the fifth floor, Akaashi prepares himself for the noise and company of Nishinoya’s family. However, as a pleasant surprise, they’re not there. 

Akaashi takes this time to unpack his clothes neatly, make his bed, and arrange his desk. He takes the leather journal he bought out and decides to use it as a way to write down his feelings, since he doesn’t exactly have anyone he can talk to about them. He throws a pen and the journal on his bed and begins to write. 

August 26th

_I moved in a couple hours ago and I already feel suffocated. I feel exhausted after talking to one new person, let alone several. I don’t want to make bad first impressions, but I keep getting anxious and feel like I’m fucking things up. Never mind the fact that I don’t know why I’m here in the first place, I guess I was pressured by teachers to pursue further education. I don’t even have a major. I think I already miss the comfort of home and high school._

Akaashi’s emotions flow from himself through the pen and on to the paper. There’s still so much that he’s hiding from himself and is too afraid to write down, and Akaashi knows this. His eyes are watering, and his throat is dry, so he sets the journal in a drawer, grabs a towel, and heads to the showers.

He lets the scalding hot water run over his skin as he chokes holding back tears. 

Akaashi wakes up on Monday morning with an extremely itchy arm. Half awake, he tries to quell the sensation by, well, itching it. His fingers run over something soft. His shirt? No, he wore a short sleeve. He opens his eyes slightly but is greeted by the brightness of the morning. Of course he forgot to close his blinds. What was he waking up for again? 

Akaashi glaces down at his forearm and sees a small white fluff at the point of the itch. He tries to brush it off, but it’s somehow connected to his skin. He clenches his teeth and plucks it, but it doesn’t hurt. Akaashi sits up and investigates the thing that he just took off his body. It looks like a down feather, and Akaashi checks his pillow. It’s not ripped, and even if it was, it definitely doesn’t have down feather filling. He takes his glasses out of his glasses case and replaces them with the feather to keep it safe for investigation later. Akaashi doesn’t have time to dwell on it any further. 

Akaashi slips out of bed and takes great care to not wake Noya, who is sprawled messily on his bed, snoring. He’s sure Noya would be able to sleep through a fire alarm if their dorm were to have one right now, but Akaashi still keeps quiet. He takes his clothes to the bathroom, changes, and freshens up before grabbing his bag, phone, and keys. 

He has a literature class to get to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi can’t help the enjoyment he feels. Maybe making friends isn't that hard anyways. Most of the time you don’t look for them, the just end up in your life, and it’s a good thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the long wait. I initially wanted to update every Saturday but I got caught up with work and video commissions. I haven't been able to be active on Twitter either :c Despite all that, I do hope you enjoy the new chapter.

It doesn't take long for Akaashi to find his class. The campus is relatively linear, and a quick 5 minute walk down a concrete path leads him to the front of the Liberal Arts building where his Literature class- his very first college lecture- would take place. Akaashi follows the mass of students walking through the doors, and eventually finds himself in the large lecture hall. The rows of chairs and the tables in front of them descend like a staircase, all leading to a small platform with a podium and projector screen. 

Akaashi opts to sit in the back of the room, not wanting to draw attention to himself by walking through the waves of students chatting. He makes himself comfortable in a back corner, pulling out his notebook and pen, right before noticing the commotion at the front of the room. He instantly recognizes the two men talking loudly with some other students as Kuroo and Bokuto from the bookstore. He quickly turns his attention back to his notebook in hopes that they wouldn’t notice him. 

Akaashi looks to his left as someone sits a couple seats away from him. They look exhausted, wearing a hoodie and pajama bottoms and sporting uncombed dyed blonde hair, and are completely glued to their phone. Akaashi decides to follow suit, taking his phone out of his pocket and making himself look busy in the off chance that Kuroo and Bokuto approach him. 

It doesn’t seem to work. One moment the boys are calling for their friend “Kenma” and the next they’re trying to get Akaashi’s attention. Apparently, in all his luck, the boy who sat next to Akaashi was friends with them too. He gives up his distracted persona and forces himself to socialize with the three. Kuroo makes himself comfortable in the seat next to Akasshi, and Bokuto fills the final seat between Kuroo and Kenma. 

“Is this your first class?” Kuroo asks. Akaashi doesn’t know it’s directed at him until Kuroo peers forward to try and make eye contact with him. “Oh, yeah. I’m not sure what to expect.”

Kuroo leans back, folding his arms over his head. “It’s not anything to get excited about. Sure we pay to take these classes, but I think the real outcome to college is the people you meet and the connections you make.”

Akaashi nods in agreement. He hadn’t thought much about why he was enrolled in college in the first place. It was just the logical next step. He hopes by the time he finishes his General Education degree he’ll have some inkling of what he’d like to pursue, but for now he sits in his Literature lecture next to people he doesn’t really know about to learn something he’s not sure he cares about. 

Kuroo turns his attention to Bokuto, who’s energy far exceeds that of the blonde man sitting to his left. He’s asking Kenma about his schedule, major, roommate, and other routine things, all of which Kenma responds with simple one or two word answers. 

“Akaashi, this is Kenma. He’s a freshman too, but we went to high school together,” Kuroo points to the blonde, and Akaashi slightly smiles and waves at Kenma, who returns the gesture. The lights in the lecture hall turn off shortly after, and the projector starts up. Bokuto and Kuroo whisper amongst themselves, before turning simultaneously towards Akaashi. 

“Hey Akaashi, wanna grab lunch with us after this?”

Akaashi thinks for a moment. He doesn’t have another class for a couple hours, so it’s either getting lunch or reviewing material for his next lecture. Suddenly, he’s reminded of the feather that appeared on his arm earlier that morning. He itches at his wrist.

“Sorry, I’m busy after this…” he starts. He feels bad, these people are actively trying to befriend him, and they don’t seem annoying or bad in any way. Dipping out on the first time they invite him to hang out might lead to them never talking to him again. 

“But here’s my phone. You guys can put your numbers in.” Akaashi says shyly. Asking people for their numbers, no matter platonic or romantic, was a little bit bold for him. Kuroo and Bokuto excitedly input their information in, Kenma taps the screen a few times before passing the device back to Akaashi. He scrolls through his new contacts. Bokuto Koutauro, Kozume Kenma, and Kuroo Tetsurou. He’ll add contact photos later. 

Akaashi locks his phone and stuffs it back in his pocket, turning his attention to the lecture. His new friends- if he dares call them that without knowing if the feeling is mutual- pay attention too. Kuroo is diligently taking notes alongside Akaashi, and Bokuto is glancing at Kuroo’s notes to get anything he missed. Kenma, on the other hand, is voice recording the lecture while he closes his eyes. 

The lecture passes uneventfully, mostly just the professor droning on about the syllabus he posted online and the start of the first unit. Once dismissed, he waves goodbye to Kuroo, Bokuto, and Kenma.

“Don’t forget to text us so we can save your number!” Kuroo yells after him. Akaashi nods and continues on. He needs to find the library. 

Conveniently enough, the library is located directly across from the liberal arts hall, making Akaashi’s life a lot easier. He enters, and is greeted by a large directory. This library isn’t anything like the dinky one at his high school, it’s 5 stories tall, has a coffee shop, computer lab, and private study rooms for students to reserve. Akaashi decides to head towards the computer lab, and makes himself at home in the back corner where hopefully no one can see his activity.

He begins his research simply, typing in words that might elicit some sort of helpful information. 

_Human growings feathers_

_Bird feathers growing on skin_

_Human feathers_

None of the searches yield him what he’s looking for. They’re all fictional stories and artistic renditions of humans with wings, humanoid birds, and other disturbing images. Akaashi sighs and closes the tab. He itches his arm where the feather was again. 

Akaashi opens an incognito tab and goes on to a question and answer site, opting to ask as a guest and linking the response notifications to his spam email.

_I recently woke up with a bird feather stuck to my skin. It didn’t come from outside or anything in my room. I think it grew on me. Does anyone know what this is?_

Akaashi presses submit and closes the tab, packing his stuff up and making a plan to grab a sandwich before his next lecture. As he exits the building, a bright yellow poster on the bulletin board catches his eye.

_NOW HIRING: Student Library Employees. Ask for an application at the front desk._

Akaashi thinks briefly about working at the library. Peace and quiet, restocking shelves, helping students find textbooks, it all sounds enjoyable to him. He turns on his heel and reenters the library, making his way to the front desk.

Akaashi slowly fades into consciousness the next morning. He rubs his eyes and grabs his glasses before looking at his arms.

It’s worse. 

There're at least four feathers now, and while they still seem like down, they’re tinted black at the ends. Akaashi clamps his hand down on his arm and tip toes to the bathroom. Once he’s locked in a stall, he grits his teeth and pulls at the feathers. It stings a little bit, but nothing Akaashi can’t handle. He opts to flush the feathers instead of keeping them, and washes the small cuts left over with soap and water. 

Akaashi remembers the anonymous post he left on a board yesterday, and opens his phone to check his spam email, which he doesn’t have notifications on for. A quick scroll reveals that he hasn’t had any responses. As expected.

He doesn’t have class until later in the afternoon, but he scheduled his job interview at the library for 11am to give himself time for lunch. Once back in his dorm room, Akaashi rummages through his toiletries to find his lotion, rubbing it on his previously feathered arm to help relieve the itching and pain from the plucking. 

Nishinoya didn’t come home last night, but at least had the thought to text Akaashi that he was staying over with a friend. Akaashi allows himself to take his time getting ready for the day, he didn’t have to wear a suit and tie to this student job interview, but he didn’t want to look like he just rolled out of bed. He carefully brushes his hair and throws on a nice gray sweater and black pants, and decides to apply some concealer for the hell of it before finally leaving.

The interview is quick and easy, and Akaashi receives an offer to begin working next week. He bids the woman who interviewed him goodbye, and makes his way towards the main dining hall on campus to get a quick lunch. As he walks down the concrete pathway outside, he hears a familiar voice yell his name.

“AAAAKASHI!”

Suddenly Bokuto and Kuroo and on either side of Akaashi, leaving no personal space.

“You getting lunch?” Kuroo asks, walking backwards to make eye contact with Akaashi. 

“Yeah, I actually just finished my interview at the library. Got offered a job there.”

“Shit, let's celebrate then! Lunch is on me.” Kuroo replies, turning back to Akaashi’s side and patting his shoulder. Bokuto gets excited. “You can buy your own lunch, Bo.” Kuroo adds, turning Bokuto’s smile into a frown.

“Oh, I have a meal plan, I don’t mind buying my own lunch-” Akaashi starts. Kuroo cuts him off quickly, saying he’s doing it anyway. Akaashi doesn’t feel like fighting, and allows Kuroo to buy his food.

Kenma joins the table a few minutes after Akaashi, Bokuto, and Kuroo sit down. He stays quiet for most of it, speaking up usually to counter a ridiculous statement one of the two sophomores make. Akaashi can’t help the enjoyment he feels. Maybe making friends isn't that hard anyways. Most of the time you don’t look for them, the just end up in your life, and it’s a good thing.

“You guys are on the volleyball team? That’s really cool.” Akaashi says, surprised. He feels more comfortable talking to the group, and doesn’t hide his excitement when he finds another common interest with his new found friends. 

“Yup, you’re looking at the best middle blocker, setter, and wing spiker on the team!: Bokuto states proudly, pointing to Kuroo, Kenma, and himself, respectively. 

“I actually played when I was in high school, I was never good enough to consider playing on a college level.” Akaashi says. 

“What position?” Kuroo asks, intrigued. “Setter.” Akaashi responds simply.

“Let me spike your tosses sometime.” Kuroo says, pushing his plates away from him and leaning backwards. 

“I’m quite out of practice, but that could be fun. I’d love to watch a game though,” Akaashi trails off, and Bokuto quickly speaks up. “We have a game Friday night!”

“You should definitely come. I can get you a free ticket!” Kuroo adds. Bokuto nods and looks at Akaashi, waiting for an answer.

“Really? I’d love that.” Akaashi smiles. Bokuto and Kuroo start giving him more specific details, like time and location, as well as extend an invitation to the afterparty that apparently happens after each weekend home game. 

Akaashi doesn’t notice the looks Kuroo gives him all lunch. Kenma does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @killuatea for notifications when I update, along with (good?) anime content.
> 
> Things are gonna get spicy starting next chapter O_O


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi’s heartbeat speeds up just a bit. He’s going to his first college party tonight. Goody two shoes Akaashi was going to a _party. With drinking. And god knows what else._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just updated this fic yesterday, but I couldn't wait to write this chapter and it kind of just happened. I really like this chapter, it's a big turning point and where the real plot starts. 
> 
> Some light NSFW stuff, skip to "At first he doesn't say anything" if you get uncomfortable.  
> Also Blood TW, starting at "Silent tears" to the end of the chapter.
> 
> PLEASE READ MY NOTES AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER SO YOU DON'T HATE ME

Friday morning begins like any other day for Akaashi. He rubs his eyes, puts his glasses on, and checks his body for more feathers. 

It’s not just his arm now. On Wednesday, his left arm grew the same feathers as his right, and yesterday a down feather appeared on his chest. Akaashi knew the next logical step. He peers down his shirt and sees several white and black tinged feathers growing symmetrically across his upper chest. The feathers have become too painful to pluck, Akaashi’s last attempt led to him bleeding heavily in the shower, holding back wails of pain. It was easier to just cover them up at this point. 

The internet wasn’t any help. In the days since he posted his question, he’s gotten views but no comments. Akaashi doesn’t blame them, he would think it was a troll post too if he saw it. 

He quickly counts the number on each part of his body and writes it down in his journal. Five on his left arm, five on his right arm. Four on his left pec, four on his right pec. So far nothing else, but Akaashi knows that if he doesn’t figure the cause out soon, it could spread to more visible parts of his body.

Akaashi avoids the feathers in the shower, washing around them in case of pain or some weird reaction. He checks other places on his body, and once he knows he’s counted them all, covers them back up with a long sleeve shirt. Akaashi slides into black shorts, dreading the day he has to cover his legs, especially if the weather stays as hot as it has been.

One step outside has Akaashi regretting not putting on 10 more layers of deodorant. It’s humid, hot, and cloudless, meaning the sun is going to beat down on him all day. He vows to stay inside as much as possible, unable to roll his sleeves up or take his shirt off.

Akaashi checks his phone for any messages. There’s one from Kuroo asking where he can meet up with Akaashi to give him the volleyball game ticket. Akaashi’s heartbeat speeds up just a bit. He’s going to his first college party tonight. Goody two shoes Akaashi Keiji was going to a _party. With drinking. And god knows what else._

Akaashi responds quickly with a “I’m working today so whenever you’re near the library come in” and continues on his way. He gets confirmation from Kuroo, and soon after a message from Bokuto, with a picture of his volleyball jersey.

 **Bokuto Koutauro:**  
look out for number 4 tonight!!

 **Akaashi Keiji:**  
I don’t think I could miss you from the stand, Bokuto.

 **Bokuto Koutauro:**  
ur right, not when im scoring the most points :)

 **Akaashi Keiji:**  
I’m excited to see it.

 **Akaashi Keiji:**  
:)

The day is uneventful. Kuroo stopped by the library to deliver the ticket and a onigiri, but otherwise Akaashi just reshelved returned books and finished his assignments so he could work more on the weekend. Every once and a while he would be reminded of what was happening that night and grow anxious.

_I’m not doing anything wrong. I can legally drink and it’s not like I’ll be going too hard anyways. Why am I so anxious?_

When he has these thoughts, he just shakes his head and continues to work in an effort to distract himself. He still plays with his hands more than usual.

The gym is packed. It fills Akaashi with excitement, and he’s brought back to his high school days. His team never got this much attention, but even the few cheers he got after a nice set or point pleased him. He can’t wait to do the same for his friends.

They’re definitely friends now. The four have hung out every day, and text often. Kuroo and Bokuto are much more chatty than Kenma, but the latter has reached out to Akaashi a few times for assignment help. It brings a smile to Akaashi’s face. One of his biggest anxieties has been quelled in the first week of his college career.

Akaashi takes a seat alongside the side of the court, in the back row. He doesn’t really want to be noticed and be a potential distraction for the boys, but he makes sure to wear a Fukurodani Academy hoodie to the game to show his support.  
The team comes out to a rock song, and the crowd erupts. 

_This is nothing like my high school,_ Akaashi thinks. The tension in the gymnasium grows as the opposing team steps onto the court, sporting bright orange jerseys that quite honestly stand out a bit more than Fukurodani’s white. 

_Bokuto might be a little upset about that._ Akaashi giggles to himself. 

The teams warm up, then the announcer introduces the starting line ups for each team. The opponent is up first, Karasuno University. Akaashi can’t help but ignore them and watch his friends. Bokuto and Kuroo are side by side, numbers 4 and 5, respectively. Bokuto pokes Kuroo’s side and Kuroo flinches, responding with a hearty slap on the back of Bokuto’s head. 

The announcer finally moves to introduce Fukurodani’s team, and the gym cheers loudly over his voice. Bokuto is the first of Akaashi’s friends to be announced, and he steps forward as his name and position are called. He puffs his chest and waves his arms around, scanning the crowd. He locks eyes with Akaashi, somehow picking him out in the crowd. Akaashi gives a thumbs up and a genuine smile. 

When Bokuto steps back, he pokes Kuroo and points towards Akaashi’s direction. Kuroo looks around the stands, and finds what he was looking for. His name is called, and he steps forward, bowing his head. When he looks up, he waves at Akaashi. Akaashi waves back, smiling once more. 

A few more players are introduced, then it’s Kenma’s turn. _He must be pretty good to be a starter as a freshman,_ Akaashi thinks. Kenma doesn’t really stand out as the athletic type, but he can tell that when he’s passionate about something, he puts a lot of time and effort into it. Kenma’s name is called, and he steps forward, bowing his head quickly before stepping back. He doesn’t look for Akaashi, but Akaashi doesn’t mind.

Once the game starts, Akaashi has a hard time looking away. Not only are his friends impressive, but the team as a whole is quite solid. Akaashi misses the feeling of a good spike, and an even better set. He makes a mental note to try and play with Kuroo and Bokuto soon. 

Kenma impresses him with his methodical approach to setting. He’s quite good at faking out the opponent, and even gets a few dumps in. Kuroo is also a sight to see, stuffing spikes single handedly, and looking good doing it. 

_Wait, what?_ Akaashi shakes his head. He just has attractive friends, that’s all. 

However, Akaashi really can’t take his eyes off of Bokuto, as the man predicted. He’s a talented spiker, and Akaashi can’t help but imagine Bokuto on his high school team. Bokuto and him would make a good team. They probably would have made it to Nationals. His form is impeccable, and his power is something to envy.

Fukurodani wins 2-0, but not without a fight from Karasuno. Both sets went over 25, with set 2 nearing the 30’s. The teams shake hands, and Bokuto and Kuroo hug a couple of the members. _Maybe they knew each other from high school volleyball._

Akaashi stands and makes his way to a musty hallway under the gym, where Kuroo told him to meet them after the game to go to the party. He scrolls through his phone for a while, debating texting the trio about when they’d be done. Almost immediately after he starts typing a message, his friends exit the locker room with wet hair and in new clothes. Kuroo’s hair seems to naturally start to spike upwards, but it’s interesting seeing Bokuto’s normal horns flattened. 

_It’s kinda cute._

Akaashi shakes his head to get rid of the thought. He puts his phone away and joins them, congratulating them on the win and complimenting them on their play.

The house the party is at is on campus, not too far from Akaashi’s dorm. Noya is going out tonight as well, and told Akaashi to not worry if he doesn’t come back to the dorm that night.

Once Akaashi enters, he’s instantly overwhelmed. It’s pretty dark, and very loud, music blaring and shaking his ribcage. Kuroo and Bokuto are hugging and high fiving the party-goers, and Akaashi recognizes some of their teammates. Kenma, who entered behind them, disappears, but Akaashi doesn’t worry too much. He’s surprised Kenma came to the party at all, but the more they hang out, Akaashi realizes maybe he doesn’t know Kenma as well as he likes to think he does. 

It’s not long before Akaashi is handed a canned drink, presumably beer. Kuroo and Bokuto, who Akaashi had been following around all night, are shotgunning a beer in a competitive fashion. Bokuto finishes first, crushing the can and rejoicing in his victory. Neither seem too drunk yet, but they’ve definitely gotten used to having alcohol in their system, while Akaashi starts to feel foggy after one drink. He takes another anyway. 

Everything is getting blurry and suddenly Akaashi is having the time of his life. He dances with Kuroo and Bokuto, even a couple strangers. Not gracefully, that’s for sure, but he’s having a blast moving his hips in tune to the bass. 

Akaashi isn’t dumb, though. Even if it’s his first time drinking, he knows better than to not drink water. He excuses himself to the kitchen to fill a plastic cup with tap water. He finds Kenma sitting with an orange haired student, both petting a cat. He waves, but he doesn’t manage to catch their attention, and just continues to drink his water. He takes some deep breaths. _When did this headache start?_

Akaashi rubs his temples. Suddenly the music is overstimulating, and he wants to find quiet. The anxiety that seemingly disappeared a couple hours before returns in full force.

_What if I fucked up? Am I getting alcohol poisoning? Do I have to go to the hospital?_

Akaashi walks through the stuffy living room, passing Bokuto and Kuroo. He tells them he’s thinking of leaving. Kuroo offers to walk him home, and Bokuto asks to join.

Akaashi doesn’t see the look Kuroo gives Bokuto, and especially not the face he makes when Kuroo and Akaashi step out the door. 

The nighttime is cooler than the day, but is still a comfortable temperature for walking in shorts. Akaashi looks up at the sky, picking out a couple stars. It’s usually hard to see them in the city fog, but tonight is just a little clearer than usual. 

Kuroo pulls him out of his thoughts. “You okay, Akaashi? Just a few minutes ago you looked like you were enjoying yourself. Was it not fun?”

Akaashi shakes his head. “No, it was actually a lot of fun. I just have a small headache now, and the music was making it worse,” he slurs, still a little drunk. He focuses heavily on walking straight.

“Ah,” is all Kuroo says. He doesn’t seem to be under the influence, but the smell of alcohol is strong on him. Akaashi hums, and slumps onto Kuroo’s shoulder, feeling tired. It’s past his usual bedtime too. He looks up at Kuroo.

“I’ve never drank before,” he confesses. Kuroo looks at Akaashi and his eyes widen.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I wouldn't have given you beers if I knew that. I’d rather you start with mixers or something. And definitely not in that setting.”

Akaashi laughs. “Don’t worry ‘bout it,” he says. Akaashi keeps looking at Kuroo. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the dim light the street lamps provided, but his friend looked really attractive. 

They walk in silence the rest of the way, and Kuroo offers to drop him off at his door. Once there, Akaashi _planned_ on just saying goodnight and going to sleep, but his body had other plans. 

He pulls Kuroo’s head down a little and kisses him. 

As soon as he pulls back, he comes to his senses. Kuroo’s eyes are wide, and Akaashi realizes what he just did.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean… I wasn’t thinking-”

“Unlock the door.” Kuroo cuts him off. Akaashi shivers at the deepness in Kuroo’s voice, and does as he’s told.

Noya’s not there, as expected, and as soon as the door closes behind Akaashi, he’s pinned to it by Kuroo, who’s pressing his lips to his neck. Akaashi doesn’t have time to process it, and lets out a needy sigh. Kuroo moves back up to his lips, and Akaashi kisses back. It’s heavy and desperate, like Kuroo had been wanting to do this for a while now. 

Even if it wasn’t his plan, Akaashi doesn’t mind. It’s another first for Akaashi- not the kiss, but it’s the first time he’d made out with someone without at least a few weeks of courting. Was this a hook up? Would he and Kuroo start dating? Akaashi wasn’t even sure he had romantic feelings for the man, but that didn’t stop him from enjoying what he was doing.

Akaashi wraps his arms around Kuroo and runs his fingers through his hair as Kuroo takes the lead. 

Kuroo stops, and Akaashi whines.

“What one’s yours?” Kuroo asks, gesturing to the beds. Akaashi points to his, the neatly made one with plain white bedding. Kuroo pulls Akaashi over and lays him down, crawling over him.

“I remember this bedding now. You bought it at the bookstore.”

Akaashi confirms Kuroo’s words, and Kuroo presses another beer flavored kiss to his lips. “You know, I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you that day.” Kuroo continues.

_Ah. I get it now._

Akaashi doesn’t answer, he just continues to move with Kuroo. Kuroo’s shirt comes off, and Akaashi gets a closer look at his body. It’s like a work of art. Being on a college sports team has done good things for him, he’s well toned all over. _Nice abs too._

Akaashi wants to run his hands over Kuroo’s skin, but before he can, Kuroo goes to pull off Akaashi’s shirt. 

Akaashi is brought out of the lustful haze in an instant. He can’t let Kuroo take his shirt off. He hasn’t plucked the feathers.

Akaashi tries to pull Kuroo’s hand into his own, which works for a little bit, but Kuroo really wants skin to skin, it seems. 

“I’m not really… that confident… it my body…” Akaashi pants. Kuroo smiles reassuringly. “I’m sure you’re hot as fuck.” 

Kuroo starts to peel the shirt off. Akaashi starts to protest, but before he can form a sentence, Kuroo sees them.

At first he doesn’t say anything, he just stares at Akaashi’s exposed body with a confused expression. 

“Wh… what the fuck?” He sputters, getting off the bed. Akaashi sits up, and uses his arms to cover the feathers on his chest, which isn’t much help thanks to the feathers on his arms. 

“Kuroo, I can explain-” Akaashi starts. It’s too late. Kuroo throws his shirt back on and walks to the door.

“Sorry, I gotta go.” He says, closing the door behind him. 

Akaashi sits in silence for a few minutes, shocked at what had occurred. Were the feathers that ugly? Was he a monster? 

Would no one want him because of this _thing_ he can’t control?

Silent tears run down Akaashi’s face. With dim eyes and hasty movements, Akaashi grabs the tweezers from his desk. Once by one, he plucks his feathers. If it hurts, Akaashi doesn’t care. Blood is running down his arm, dripping onto his desk. He doesn’t care. He just wants them gone. 

When he’s done, it all hits him at once. The pain, the sight of blood, the horror on Kuroo’s face as he left. Akaashi wails and falls to the ground, clutching his chest.

He feels more vulnerable than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate Kuroo, he's just confused! I promise it will all make sense in a few chapters.  
> Kuroo is one of my favorite characters but I had to do this to him for the plot, please forgive me! I promise he's a good boy and didn't mean to hurt Akaashi. Just trust me on this one ;-;
> 
> Not sure when the next chapter will be live, but I plan on having it up within the week. I tweet out when an update is live if you want to follow me @killuatea
> 
> Thanks so much for the support and for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That’s when he sees them. The feathers. They’re back, and are much larger than before. They cover more skin, and have a white to black gradient. One might even say they’re beautiful, if that one is not Akaashi Keiji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll with updating! I don't have much to say other than this is the first chapter where we Bokuto's POV, even though it's really short. I have plans to include more of his POV soon!  
> I finished the outline yesterday too and it looks like this fic will be around 10-12 chapters~  
> Kuroo redemption soon I promise!

It’s bright. The cheap plastic blinds are open, allowing the morning sun to shine through Akaashi’s dorm window. He slowly gains consciousness, wincing from the light in his eyes. After a few moments, Akaashi begins to feel like a thousand paper cuts cover his body. 

_Oh right._

Akaashi sighs. _No use in crying again over what happened last night._ He lies in silence, an immense amount of regret washing over him. His mind replays the events of the night before on repeat. From the party, to his walk, to that, to the moment he finally collapsed in bed. A few minutes pass before Akaashi peels back the comforter, bracing himself.

No feathers.

Akaashi checks all the common places, but there’s nothing unusual to be found. The regret he felt moments earlier is replaced with relief. Maybe that event, as unfortunate as it was, triggered something that would stop the growth of the feathers. _Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt._

Akaashi takes a shower, resisting the urge to cry out from the pain of washing the fresh scars, but he doesn’t want to risk infection. He opts to wear a sweater again, because he doesn’t want to raise concern around the redness on his arms. Akaashi searches for his keys and phone, which is turned off. He presses the power button and sets it down, nervous to see if _he_ bothered to text Akaashi at all. 

Akaashi grabs the blue notebook from his desk and opens it to the page he wrote on yesterday. He leaves a short message next to the date.

_Feathers: 0_

Akaashi’s phone vibrates a few times as it comes to life, and Akaashi’s heart picks up. He peeks over at it, and breathes out as he realizes the messages are from Bokuto, and not Kuroo. He unlocks his phone and opens the app.

**Bokuto Koutauro:**  
hope u had fun at the party!!

**Bokuto Koutauro:**  
we have them every friday if ur interested

**Bokuto Koutauro:**  
hope you made it home safe too :)

Akaashi smiles slightly to himself. Bokuto’s a really good guy. Akaashi doesn’t think there’s anything really negative about him.   
_I wish he walked me home._

Akaashi pushes the thought out of his head as fast as it came in. _No. He would’ve had the same reaction. I’m glad it wasn’t him._

Akaashi vows to reply later, and heads out the door.

Work helps Akaashi direct his thoughts elsewhere. He’s able to mindlessly reshelve books and help students find information for projects. It’s only during those in between moments that his mind drifts back to Kuroo’s face. 

For being the first weekend after classes started, the library was already pretty busy. Professors didn’t hesitate to load up their students with homework, projects, and papers. Akaashi was lucky he was able to finish most of his homework the day before. He only had one more assignment to do, so he makes his way over to the fiction section to look for a book written by the author he needs to research.

He wasn’t expecting Bokuto of all people. Hell, he expected to see Kuroo at the library alone before he expected to see his silver haired friend.

“Bokuto?” Akaashi manages to say. Bokuto’s attention turns from the shelf to Akaashi.

“Akaashi! You never texted me back! I was worried you were really hung over or something. Or didn’t make it home. I was actually thinking about calling you.”

Akaashi’s eyes widen. Of course he forgot to text Bokuto back. His brain was so preoccupied with other things that he forgot to do what he wanted. “I’m sorry, I meant to text you back I was just busy when I saw them and forgot to reply…”

Bokuto smiles. “Don’t worry about it, ‘Kaashi. Seeing you in person is more comforting anyways.” Akaashi blushes. _How can he just say shit like that! It’s not allowed!_

Akaashi desperately thinks of ways to change the direction of the conversation. He really can’t bring himself to complement Bokuto, or god forbid try and FLIRT with him. 

“So, what brings you to the library? I’m not hungover but I’m surprised you aren’t.”

Bokuto laughs loudly, and Akaashi shushes him, which causes Bokuto to cover his mouth and apologize. “I actually have a killer headache right now, but I wanted to grab the books for the literature homework before volleyball practice.”

Volleyball practice. Bokuto was going to practice. That means Kuroo would be there too. Would Kuroo tell Bokuto about what happened? Does Bokuto already know?

Does he know about the feathers?

Akaashi’s stomach flips, and he feels sick. Despite this, he offers to help his friend find the right book. It’s when they reach the correct aisle that the elephant in the room is addressed.

“Uhm, Akaashi, if you don’t mind me asking,”

Akaashi freezes in place. 

“Uh, did you and Kuroo-”

“No.” Akaashi blurts out. He can feel tears stinging his eyes. He makes sure to not look at Bokuto. “It’s awkward. And complicated. But… I don’t think I can face him on Monday.”

Akaashi doesn’t see, but Bokuto’s face expresses his unspoken concern. A moment passes. Akaashi blinks hard and takes a deep breath. “Sorry, he, well… I think it was my fault.”

For the first time possibly ever, Bokuto doesn’t know what to say. He just looks at Akaashi’s shoulders, rising and falling with his controlled breathing. Akaashi hasn’t shown much emotion during the short time they’ve known each other, and he really doesn’t want to be the reason Akaashi breaks down during work. _Quick, idiot! Think of a way to help him!_

“I’ll be there on Monday, I can be a mediator or something!” Bokuto says, pleased with himself and his quick thinking. _Mental high five!_

Akaashi breathes out once more. “I would like that. Thank you, Bokuto.” He brings his hand up to wipe the corner of his eyes. Bokuto’s heart sinks. 

Akaashi wakes up Monday morning with a pounding headache. Knowing it’s probably because of dehydration, he sits himself up to fill his water bottle. That’s when he sees them. The feathers. They’re back, and are much larger than before. They cover more skin, and have a white to black gradient. One might even say they’re beautiful, if that one is not Akaashi Keiji. 

He just wants them gone, but one tug proves that they’re here to stay this time. The sight of them makes Akaashi want to throw up. He quickly gets out of bed to get dressed when he sees that the growth has moved to his lower legs as well. _Of course._

Akaashi opts to wear jeans and a hoodie despite the forecast. He downs a bottle of water and some painkillers to help with the headache that was probably caused by the anxiety and tears shed over the weekend. Despite all of that, Akaashi still has to find the strength to go to the class he shares with the person who caused it.

The late morning sun is never kind, and Akaashi’s walk to the liberal arts hall is a brutal one. He stops by the bathroom before his lecture to splash his face with cold water and wipe down any sweat that’s formed in uncomfortable places. 

Akaashi keeps his head down as he enters the lecture hall. He pretends to be distracted by his phone, when in reality all he can think about is avoiding Kuroo and Kenma. 

_Please let Bokuto be here already._

Akaashi takes a seat on the opposite side of the room from their normal spot He hopes Bokuto is looking for him, wherever he is. Akaashi quickly scans the room for silver spiked hair. Nothing. 

His breath hitches as he spots long blonde and messy black. They’re also sitting away from the usual seats, near the front of the room in the middle. Akaashi guesses that Kuroo told Kenma about the whole situation. He wonders what Kenma thinks of him, if at all. 

The minutes before class feel like hours, and every few seconds Akaashi peeks around to try and find Bokuto, but to no avail. He checks his phone for any message from Bokuto, but hesitates texting him first. _He’s already offered to help me so much, I don’t want to be a burden to him._

At least Kuroo and Kenma were sitting in front of him, which meant Akaashi didn’t have to feel like eyes were boring into the back of his skull. He keeps to himself, takes notes, and periodically checks his phone. The anxiety in his stomach doesn’t lessen, though. Akaashi feels like he’s back at square one- scared and alone.

Akaashi sits patiently on an exam bed in the student health center, playing with his hands and trying to distract himself from what he was about to do. A friendly faced woman comes in, wearing black scrubs. Akaashi bids her welcome and she makes small talk about the heat while setting up her equipment. 

“I just need to get some vitals, I hope that's okay,” the nurse says, putting the stethoscope in her ears and walking towards Akaashi. He nods, and allows her to listen to his heart beat. She checks her watch, and counts silently to herself for 10 seconds. 

“Nervous?” she asks gently. Akaashi sighs and agrees. The nurse pats his shoulder and writes down his heart rate. 

“I need to take your blood pressure. Do you mind rolling up your sleeve?”

Akaashi freezes once more. “I, uh… Well, the reason I’m here today is because of what’s on my arm.”

The nurse nods. “I understand, I can take it over the sleeve, it just might be a little tighter.” Akaashi allows her to apply the band and pump to measure. Akaashi closes his eyes and tries to block the feeling.

The nurse gathers his weight, height, and does a few other quick tests before saying goodbye and letting Akaashi know that the dermatologist will be in shortly. Once again Akaashi sits in silence, staring at the white sterile walls that surround him, sprinkled with medical diagrams explaining different skin conditions and warning signs of skin cancer. 

There's a knock on the door and a tall man walks in, blonde hair pulled back by a headband. He looks like he should be playing on the school volleyball team rather than work at the health center, but who’s Akaashi to judge?

“Hello, Akaashi, right?”

Akaashi nods. The doctor picks up the file left by the nurse and looks it over briefly. “I’m Doctor Ukai, I’ll be helping you out today. I saw that you had some concerns about your skin, right? Would you mind elaborating?” 

Akaashi swallows hard. _How do I even start to explain?_

“Well, uh, yeah… You see, a week ago I woke up and noticed something small growing on my arm that looked sort of like a feather,” Akaashi starts. He twiddles his thumbs and can’t make eye contact with Ukai. This all seems so ridiculous. “It came off painlessly, but over the next few days they kept coming back, except every day there would be more.”

Doctor Ukai doesn’t laugh or kick Akaashi out. He just nods along with Akaashi’s story. “Would you mind showing me?” he asks. Akaashi takes a deep breath and rolls up the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“Oh. I see,” is all Doctor Ukai can say. He sets the clipboard with Akaashi’s file down and steps towards him to get a better look. After getting permission, he lifts Akaashi’s arm and touches the feathers, running a finger over them. He lightly tugs at one, and Akaashi winces. 

“This might hurt, but I’d like to take one to make sure you’re not joking around with me. It’d also be good to send in for DNA samples and other research.”

Akaashi gulps and allows Doctor Ukai to pluck a feather quickly. It’s not long before blood drips down Akaashi’s arm. Doctor Ukai applies a cream and bandages it up quickly. Akaashi breathes out. The doctor opens a drawer and pulls out a plastic bag, dropping the feather carefully in and sealing it. 

Doctor Ukai sits down in the spare chair in front of Akaashi and folds his arms. “Well kid, I’m gonna be honest with you. I don’t know what caused that or even what they are. However, I can give you some anti-inflammatory cream to help with any chafing or itching. And it might be hard, but don’t pluck the feathers. There’s a serious risk of infection there.”

Akaashi only nods. He walks out of the health center with a cream, and while the visit didn’t yield him the answers he was looking for, a small burden was lifted off of his shoulders. He talked about the feathers with someone- without them running away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you want to follow me on twitter for anime content and notifications when I update this fic, follow me @killuatea <3   
> All comments, kudos, and bookmarks are really appreciated, tysm for all the support!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if it’s a repeat of Friday? What if I do something stupid and kiss him? What if he finds out about the feathers? What if I kiss him THEN he finds out about the feathers? What if he has the same reaction as Kuroo?
> 
> Why am I thinking so much about kissing him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This chapter is short and kinda all over the place, but it's important set up for the remaining chapters. I'm actually planning on getting the next chapter out tomorrow (Saturday at the latest) so please enjoy this small snippet before then!

“AKAASHI!” a familiarly loud voice calls out behind Keiji. He turns to shush the student instinctively, as the library was at its peak hours and the last thing Akaashi wants is a disruptive party. However, upon seeing the source of the noise, his face softens. 

So Bokuto wasn’t dead after all. Not that Akaashi thought he was. But it was a possibility that crossed his mind a couple more times than he’d like to admit. 

Bokuto looked uncharacteristically frazzled, some hairs poked out of his usual spiked up look, and his eyes were bloodshot. Akaashi’s anxiety sends his brain all over the place looking for possible explanations before his friend had a chance to explain himself.

“Akaashi, I’m so sorry I overslept! I know I was supposed to help you and- ugh!” Bokuto pulls at his hair, frustrated. 

“It’s alright Bokuto, I didn’t run into him anyways,” Akaashi whispers in an attempt to get Bokuto to do the same. He seems to take the hint. “Oh that’s good,” he says, letting out a sigh of relief. Akaashi smiles slightly and finishes putting the book in his hand back on the shelf.

“Would you mind sending me the notes from class today?” Bokuto asks. For such a simple request, he looks really nervous, fidgeting with the phone in his hands. “Yeah of course, do you want to copy them from my book or do you want me to text you pictures?” Akaashi replies, picking up the next alphabetical book from his cart. 

“You only have one class tomorrow, right? Maybe we could, you know, get dinner and study together,” Bokuto says, voice trailing to barely a whisper by the end. Akaashi picks it up anyways thanks to the quiet of the library. Akaashi agrees to Bokuto’s proposition without much hesitation, of course he wants to hang out with his friend. 

Bokuto leaves for his next class with the promise to text Akaashi. Once he’s alone, Akaashi’s mind wanders once more to the worst possible scenario. 

_What if it’s a repeat of Friday? What if I do something stupid and kiss him? What if he finds out about the feathers? What if I kiss him THEN he finds out about the feathers? What if he has the same reaction as Kuroo?_

_Why am I thinking so much about kissing him?_

Akaashi takes a deep breath and continues to work, hoping the monotony of his job will help him get his mind off of his friend. Deep down, Akaashi knew that his desire to kiss Bokuto wasn’t the same as when he had done so with Kuroo. Akaashi was, well, drunk, and Kuroo was there. Akaashi is sure he would’ve wanted to make out with whoever was in front of him at the time, regardless of their gender or friendship.

But this feeling- this urge- to kiss Bokuto was something Akaashi hadn’t felt in a while. Akaashi snaps out of it and realizes that he was holding a book up in the air without putting it away. He sets it on the shelf before rubbing his eyes. 

_There I go again, getting a crush on anyone who gives me the tiniest bit of attention._

_No. I’m still emotionally vulnerable after Friday’s incident. I don’t actually have a crush on him, he’s just been nice to me when no one else has._

Akaashi smiles to himself, proud of his internal resolution. He definitely does NOT have a crush on Bokuto, and he’s DEFINITELY not going to think about kissing him anymore. Because Akaashi is an adult, who needs to figure his own life out before he can become a part of someone else’s. Right?

Tuesday morning rolls in, and the first thing Akaashi notices when he grows conscious is how sweaty he is. He peels his comforter back, and while he’s not visibly drenched, he feels absolutely disgusting. Noya is sound asleep, snoring into a pillow. Akaashi steps out of his bed and quickly prepares to take a shower, a nice cold one. 

It’s not until he’s under the frigid water that Akaashi takes the time to update his feather count. Eight on each arm, ten on his chest, five on each leg. _This is getting bad._

Akaashi learns that there’s a heatwave moving through the country, thanks to Bokuto, who tells him to dress light. Akaashi lies, saying that he’s already dressed and on his way to the coffee shop when in reality he’s still picking out an outfit. He wears white jeans and a nice navy button up. Akaashi didn’t pick that because he knows he looks good in it, nope, he only picked it because it was a light material. That’s all.

Even with this lighter shirt, Akaashi still feels like he’s stepped through the gates of hell when he makes it outside. He feels like a vampire, covering his eyes from the sun and walking in the shade and in the air conditioned buildings as much as possible. He makes sure to freshen up before walking into the coffee shop, but even a splash to the face with water doesn’t help the redness in his face from the heat. 

It’s not long into his shift at the library that he gets a phone call from an unsaved number. Akaashi quickly runs into the stairway, covering his phones speaker as it rings. He answers with a stern “Akaashi Keiji.”

“Akaashi, good morning,” A familiar voice speaks, “This is Dr. Ukai from the health center. Is now a good time?”

Akaashi says yes, curious as to what the doctor could be calling him about. 

“I was able to contact some people, and I found out that there was actually a similar case to yours right here in Tokyo a couple years ago. I don’t know too much about the patient, but I do know that they underwent an experimental surgery, and they haven’t grown back the feathers since. However, they were pretty badly scarred on their arms, legs, and chest.” 

Akaashi realizes that he was holding his breath, and untenses. All he can respond with is “Okay.”

“I’m going to send you the contact information for the surgeon’s office. You can do what you want with the information, but I wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.”

“Thank you, Doctor, I appreciate it.” Akaashi replies, still processing the idea that someone else went through the same thing, and that there is a cure, even if it was experimental. 

Soon after thee call ends, Akaashi’s phone vibrates with an email notification, as promised. He stares at the website and phone number on the screen. _Dr. Takeda Ittetsu._

Akaashi isn’t ready to call them just yet, but he saves the number in his phone in case he gets curious in the near future. 

The campus at night is really beautiful, and Akaashi makes a mental note to take more late night walks when he finds himself rolling around in bed until 3am. Bokuto’s volleyball practice ran late, but it didn’t matter since the food courts on campus were open late themselves. 

The two planned on picking up tacos to go and taking them back to Bokuto’s room to go over the notes from literature. It felt nice, casually walking around and chatting about recent happenings. It was also a relief for Akaashi’s mind to be preoccupied with conversation rather than silence and anxiety. 

Something about Bokuto just calmed Akaashi down. Maybe it was his optimistic attitude, or gentle way of speaking when he was serious, that helped Akaashi ground himself when he drifted off.

_I’m happy he stayed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi is feeling things!  
> Next chapter is projected to be half Akaashi POV, half Bokuto POV so I'm really excited to write it. The next chapter marks the start of the final "arc" or whatever of this short fic, and I wanted to say thank you for all the support! All your comments and tweets make me want to write even more <3  
> As always, you can follow me on twitter @killuatea for fic updates and other anime content. Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanging out with Akaashi felt natural to Bokuto, and he didn’t feel like he had to compete with him like he did with Kuroo. Akaashi let him talk as much as he liked, and when he was done, Akaashi would offer a few words. It was simple, and Bokuto longed for more time with the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent all morning on this, enjoy!

The walk back to Boktuo’s dorm is a short one, but Akaashi enjoys it nonetheless. It’s still hotter than the devil, but a slight breeze makes it bearable. Bokuto and Akaashi walk side by side to the concrete building. It resembles Akaashi’s dorm building in terms of symmetry and shape, but is a few stories shorter. Bokuto lives on the top floor- the 7th story.

Akaashi rocks back and forth from his toes to his heels in the elevator lobby of the building. Bokuto has already finished the drink he bought, and is reaching into his to-go bag to grab some chips. Akaashi teases him a little for it, but finds it hard to resist doing the same. 

Akaashi only realizes how stuffy the building is after he gets in the elevator. He feels like he can barely breathe, and the heat threatens to choke him. He lightly fans himself with his hand, hoping that Bokuto’s room would be nice and cold thanks to air conditioning.

Much to his dismay, it’s just as bad. Bokuto tries to turn it on, but to no avail.

“I’ll send the maintenance office a ticket, but we might just have to deal with it for now,” Bokuto says, sitting down on the mattress and opening his laptop to do as he said, eating his burrito at the same time. Akaashi takes a deep breath to try and subside the choking sensation. He points to the space on the bed across from Bokuto. When Bokuto agrees, Akaashi tries to ignore his increased heart beat and their shoulders touch. Bokuto doesn’t seem to mind.

Akaashi eats his food quickly, then gets straight to business pulling out his notebook as Bokuto sends the maintenance ticket. Bokuto follows Akaashi’s lead and takes out his notebook, and Akaashi notices his handwriting is barely legible, and there are doodles all over the page.

“Can you read those?” Akaashi asks, genuinely curious. Bokuto laughs. “Yeah, I can decipher them. Most of the time.” Akaashi tries to laugh with him but it turns into more of a release of air. Akaashi tugs at the collar of his shirt. Maybe that’s what was making it difficult to breathe. 

Akaashi begins going over the notes that Bokuto missed, and Bokuto copies (most) of them down. It takes a lot longer than anticipated, and Bokuto kept getting distracted by menial things such as the way Akaashi writes the date, or the people skateboarding outside the window. One might have gotten frustrated and given up, but not Akaashi. 

It just makes Bokuto all the more endearing to Akaashi. 

Akaashi finds himself staring at Bokuto’s features a little bit too long when he’s pointing at the people down below. As they stand at the window, his golden eyes seem to light up whenever he wants to show Akaashi something, his smile seems to be his natural state of expression, and of course his arms, defined by a long sleeve compression shirt, are not bad to look at either. Akaashi quickly looks away whenever Bokuto turns his head back to him so as to not get caught ogling. 

Akaashi’s thoughts drift back to kissing Bokuto. And this time he doesn’t try to shove it out of his mind. Bokuto makes Akaashi feel safe and warm.

_Warm._

_Oh yeah. I still… can’t catch my breath…_

_I should sit down…_

_Why is my head spinning?_

Bokuto knows he has good reflexes and reaction time. It’s necessary in order to receive in volleyball, and knowing what sort of spike to hit. Sometimes, when he’s in the air, in front of the blockers desperately trying to stuff him, time slows for him, and he can see the perfect opening. 

In this moment, time slowed once more, except it wasn’t on the court. 

Akaashi was collapsing.

A small whine from Akaashi was all the warning he needed. As his Akaashi’s legs gave out, time felt like it was at a stand still for Bokuto. What was happening?

He did the first thing that came to mind. He caught Akaashi. 

Bokuto stabilized the man to make sure he didn’t injure himself, and after noticing Akaashi was unconscious, Bokuto placed one arm under his knees and another under his upper back, and quickly lifted him to his bed.

“Akaashi! Akaashi, are you alright?”

No response.

Bokuto sees the sweat dripping from Akaashi’s forehead. The dummy wore long pants and a long shirt in this heat! Not that Bokuto was any better, but at least his full body covering was for working out and allowed Bokuto to stay cool. 

_I hope he doesn’t mind what I’m about to do…_ Bokuto thinks to himself before beginning to unbutton Akaashi’s shirt. He’s soaked with sweat, and Bokuto starts planning his next steps of getting water and a cold washcloth for Akaashi-

He sees them.

Bokuto’s breath hitches. Just as time seems to slow just a few moments earlier, time has come to a full stop now. He can’t take his eyes off of the black feathers that contrast against Akaashi’s pale chest. 

_They look just like mine._

_Or, well what I used to have._

Bokuto buttons the shirt back up and apologizes profusely to the unconscious Akaashi. He knows that Akaashi probably didn’t want him to find out, and especially not in this way. Bokuto’s mind races as he runs to the bathroom to get a cold cloth.

_There’s another case like mine? Should I tell him that I used to have feathers too? No, I shouldn’t tell him that I know, he might grow distant. Is this what happened with Kuroo on Friday? No, Kuroo knows I had them, he wouldn’t hate Akaashi for having them too, right?_

Bokuto cranks the faucet to the coldest setting and runs the cloth underneath. He doesn’t notice his hands shaking, or his mouth quivering. There was a lot to take in, but for now he needs to make sure Akaashi is okay.

He sets the cool cloth on Akaashi’s head, which seems to stir him a little. His eyes slowly blink open, and he looks around slowly. 

“Boktuo…” Akaashi’s voice strains.

Bokuto sets a bottle of water in Akaashi’s hands. “Can you drink?” 

“What happened?” Akaashi asks, slowly sitting up to drink the water.

“I think… I think you passed out.” Bokuto says, looking away from Akaashi. His mind was still deciding what to do with the information he found out about accidentally. 

Akaashi takes a sip of the water, but not much more. “Ah… I knew it was too hot in here…”

_He’ll tell me when he’s ready._

They never finish their studying, but Bokuto’s okay with that. After making Akaashi drink the entire bottle of water, the two make their way across campus back to Akaashi’s dorm. Bokuto keeps asking if Akaashi feels faint, or if he wants to sit down, to which Akaashi just smiles and assures Bokuto that _he’s fine, really._

Maybe Bokuto was in over his head.

He knew that he liked Akaashi. How couldn’t you be attracted to someone that beautiful? His hair curled in all the right places, his gunmetal blue eyes were stunning in the sunlight, and his thin stature made Bokuto want to envelope him in a warm hug. 

But leave it to Kuroo to hurt him before Bokuto even gets the chance to realize his feelings. _His feelings...._

Hanging out with Akaashi felt natural to Bokuto, and he didn’t feel like he had to compete with him like he did with Kuroo. Akaashi let him talk as much as he liked, and when he was done, Akaashi would offer a few words. It was simple, and Bokuto longed for more time with the man. 

Akaashi bids him goodbye at the main door of the dorm building, thanking Bokuto for taking care of him. Bokuto’s gears turn to try and think of something to say before he leaves. As Akaashi turns around, he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“If you ever need to talk about anything, let me know. I’m here for you, ‘Kaashi!” Bokuto says with a beaming smile. Akaashi glaces over his shoulder and returns the expression.

“Thank you, Bokuto. I will.”

As Akaashi leaves him, the thoughts of the feathers, the fainting, Kuroo, everything, leaves his mind. The only thing that Bokuto thinks about on his walk home is simple.

_I want to kiss him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes:  
> I headcannon Bokuto with ADD, something I struggle with myself. Hopefully that comes across well enough!  
> Also...  
> Hopefully the plot twist caught you off guard! I made sure to not elude to it at all so I hope you were surprised.  
> As always follow me on twitter @killuatea for updates on this fic, as well as other anime content. Thank you all so much for the comments and kudos, it's really motivating!  
> Next chapter will be here soon!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The musty and fluorescent room that was the entrance of his dorm building wasn’t where he expected to be at the hour, and it was definitely not where he thought _he_ would be, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with an update! I'm going to visit my parents soon so I'm not sure when another chapter will be out but my goal is to try and finish this story in the next 2-3 weeks! We're almost done!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy.

Akaashi finds it hard to sleep that night. 

The feathered boy tosses and turns in the moonlight, fluctuating between trying to tire himself and just accepting his fate. Minutes feel like hours when the only thing on your mind is touching your closest friend.

_Ah. So we’ve moved from kissing to touching now?_

Akaashi quietly sighs at the thought. He is so, so hopelessly screwed. A few days ago he was worried that Bokuto would never talk to him again, and now he’s daydreaming about holding hands, kissing, and… 

Akaashi blushes tomato red and pushes the thought out of his head. Instead Akaashi reminds himself of why that can never, ever happen. 

With the thought on his mind, Akaashi rolls up his sleeve carefully and checks if he could catch his feathers halfway through the growing process. To his surprise, there’s nothing new.

_Maybe sleeping is a requirement for them to form?_

Akaashi rolls his sleeve back down and gets out of bed. He checks his phone for the time, and it reads 3:47am. Determined to test his theory, Akaashi grabs his keys and sets out on a long walk. 

His first stop is the vending machine on the main floor of his dorm building. Akaashi would need to stay up for at least 10 more hours to make it through work and class, and there was no way he was going to do that without a bit of caffeine running through his system. 

The can of iced coffee falls to the bottom of the machine with a satisfying clink, and Akaashi swiftly retrieves it before pulling the metal tab back and taking a long swig of the drink. 

The musty and fluorescent room that was the entrance of his dorm building wasn’t where he expected to be at the hour, and it was definitely not where he thought _he_ would be, either.

Akaashi chokes on his drink as he spots a tall man with messy, dark hair exit the elevator. He quickly turns his attention back to the vending machine, focusing on the available drinks as if he hadn’t already bought one. 

It didn’t work.

“Akaashi?” the all too familiar voice calls out to him. Akaashi pretends not to hear, and continues his window shopping. 

He should’ve known better than to ignore Kuroo, because it doesn’t take long for the man to make his way closer to Akaashi. Too close.

Akaashi swallows hard and takes a deep breath.

“Yes?” His words come out harsher than he planned.

“I… It’s good to see you, Akaashi,” Kuroo starts, bringing his hand to the back of his head. Neither of them can make eye contact with each other. 

“Oh really? I thought you were ignoring me.” Akaashi replies bluntly. He’s exhausted, and the last thing he wanted to do was confront Kuroo. 

“I did that because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’ve been wanting to talk to you about… what happened.”

“You’re right. I am uncomfortable.” Akaashi seethes, words hitting Kuroo like venom. Akaashi can already feel the tears stinging his eyes. Why can’t I stand up for myself without crying?

Kuroo’s head falls. He seems smaller, more vulnerable, but he doesn’t give up. 

“I’m really sorry. Truly, I am. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I wanted to at least try and explain myself-”

“What is there to explain?” Akaashi breaks. The watergates open, and Akaashi hiccups. He turns away so Kuroo can’t see. _God dammit, now he’s just going to pity me._

Kuroo opens his mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. He clears his throat and gives Akaashi a moment to recompose himself. 

Akaashi wipes his eyes and takes heavy breaths to try and calm his nerves. The build up of rage and anxiety that Kuroo caused was threatening to overflow. He wanted to scream, he wanted to sob, and more than anything he wanted to make Kuroo feel like he’s felt the past few days. 

As he turns to leave Kuroo, a voice in his head tells him to stop. To be the bigger person. _You can grow from this._

“It really… it really hurt, you know?” Akaashi says, voice wavering. “I- I don’t even like you in that way, but I still felt like I was being rejected for something I can’t control.”

_Good job, Akaashi. You formed a sentence without sobbing._

Kuroo steps forward to put a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder, but decides against it. The words he lost slowly come back to him.

“I know, Akaashi. I just…. I panicked. When I saw… them… I remembered my friend who had them too.”

_Akaashi’s eyes grow wide. Is Kuroo friends with the experimental patient? Or someone else with an unreported case?_

Akaashi’s brain begins to work in overdrive, but he allows Kuroo to finish.

“I just remember how unhappy they were, and how much pain that… that the feathers brought. Your feathers didn’t scare me off, the memories of their suffering did.”

Akaashi desperately wants to know more about this friend, but he refrains. He’s about to speak up when Kuroo continues.

“And… I guess I didn’t realize it until then… but I was actually using you as a distraction from someone else. I’m sorry.”

Akaashi turns back around, confident enough to face the man now. He knows exactly what he’s talking about.

“Kenma?”

“Yeah.”

A moment of silence. Of course Akasahi knew. He figured it out early on, but didn’t want to say anything. They were childhood friends after all, and maybe the way they acted was normal for people who’d known each other for a decade.

“I didn’t want to admit I was in love with him. Not to him, or to myself. I know it sounds really fucked up but kissing you helped me realize what I was truly feeling.”

Akaashi nods. It was fucked up, but he understood. It was only after kissing Kuroo that Akaashi realized his true feelings for Bokuto. 

“I understand. Thank you... for explaining.” Akaashi says quietly. His nerves have calmed down, and a bit of the weight that was on his shoulders lifted. Not all of it, but some. 

Kuroo smiles at him, and looks like he wants to say something. Akaashi cuts him off.

“But I think I still need a bit of time. I would still like to be your friend, but I need to work something out with myself before that can happen. I hope you understand.”

The smile on Kuroo’s face disappears and is replaced with a solemn gaze. He nods.

“Same here. I was actually planning on talking to Kenma about everything tonight but I chickened out and just played video games with him.”

Akaashi allows himself to laugh. “You should probably do that sooner than later.” 

Kuroo returns the chuckle. “I know, I know.”

Akaashi’s alone again, this time with an empty coffee can under the streetlamps that line the campus walkways. He’s pretty familiar with the campus already, but at night it’s a completely different animal. The grey concrete buildings glow differently under the moon rather than the sun, and Akaashi almost prefers it. He makes a mental note to take more night classes the following semester. 

Akaashi tosses his coffee can in a recycling bin and continues walking. The familiar outline of the library building comes into view. Akaashi decides to enter, as it’s technically open 24 hours a day with a student ID.

He makes his way to the computer area, which is unsurprisingly empty. The quiet environment calms Akaashi, and he takes a seat in the back of the room. 

_Perfect time to research that surgeon._

Akaashi opens his email and copies the name of the doctor into the search bar of the web browser. 

_Dr. Takeda Ittetsu, Dr. Takeda Ittetsu…_

He clicks on the first link that pops up, that takes him to a pristine website for the lab. There’s some basic information about the doctor, how he works in dermatology and hopes to “give people confidence by removing imperfections”. Akaashi scoffs. _Most of his clients probably just have acne or scars they want removed. Not fucking feathers._

After returning to the searches, Akaashi scrolls hoping to find anything about the experimental surgery he was considering undergoing. 

Finally, on page 5 or results, a small medical research article contained the words he was looking for. 

Akaashi reads the article carefully. It seemed to be written by an intern of some sorts who was working under Takeda during the procedure. She describes the surgery in detail, most of which makes Akaashi wince, but he powers through. 

The surgery was successful, it took about three hours, blah blah blah patient Bokuto Koutaro woke up healthy and without much pain-

Akaashi freezes.

_Bokuto Koutaro?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KUROO REDEMPTION ARC
> 
> As always tysm for the support, and you can follow me on twitter @killuatea for updates and other anime content~


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boy debates whether or not he should tell Akaashi that he knows. On one hand, Bokuto understands that it’s embarrassing to talk about and he doesn’t want to put Akaashi in that scenario abruptly. However, Bokuto also knows that if he had someone to talk to a year ago about this… disease or whatever it is, he might not have been as depressed about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phewwww finally an update! only two chapters left! i feel bad because i've been rushing the past few chapters, and i don't mean to. i hope it's enjoyable all the same! i'm planning on finishing the fic for bokuaka week at the start of august <3

Bokuto finds it hard to sleep that night.

His mind rapidly skips from one thought to another, mostly about the fact that _Akaashi_ has _feathers_. Just as Bokuto’s own scars were healing, his dear friend was suffering from the mysterious phenomenon that cursed him a year ago.

The boy debates whether or not he should tell Akaashi that he knows. On one hand, Bokuto understands that it’s embarrassing to talk about and he doesn’t want to put Akaashi in that scenario abruptly. However, Bokuto also knows that if he had someone to talk to a year ago about this… disease or whatever it is, he might not have been as depressed about it.

Bokuto checks his phone for any texts or calls. There’s a couple from his teammates, and a few emails from professors, but nothing that he really wants to read. He sighs and locks it again, before trying to fall asleep again.

It’s seven in the morning when his alarm goes off, and Bokuto quickly sits up. He doesn’t remember falling asleep- when did that happen? 

_The last thing I remember… I was thinking about confessing to Akaashi…_

Any remaining ounces of sleepiness that were left in the volleyball player’s body evaporated. I need to text him.

Bokuto reaches for his phone, pressing the unlock button only to find out that his phone died overnight. He curses under his breath and throws it on his charger before getting out of bed to shower. 

_I’m going to do this today. I NEED to do this today._

Apparently a 5 minute shower wasn’t long enough to revive his phone, so he opts to take the charger with him to the volleyball team’s morning practice. That way, he’d be able to plug it in for an hour, untouched, and would be able to text Akaashi right after. Bingo!

Bokuto manages to make it to the gym early for once, thanks to this rare alertness. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the adrenaline from his planned confession, but Bokuto was very into his morning workout. Even without Kuroo, who was absent, he was able to keep himself occupied with squat lifting and spotting his teammates. 

The hour goes by quickly, but at eight thirty on the dot Bokuto is on his phone tapping out a message to the boy he can’t stop thinking about. 

_Can you meet me at…. No, too formal, start with a greeting!_

_Good morning Akaashi- no that’s even worse._

_Akaashi! Are you working today? Can we get coffee after your shift?_

_Perfect!_

Proud of himself for sounding so normal, Bokuto locks his phone and throws it in his pocket. Already feeling the nerves of his planned confession getting to him, Bokuto runs ahead to catch up with his teammates. 

It’s five in the morning and Akaashi hasn’t slept. He can feel the bags under his eyes, and his third canned coffee isn’t doing much to help his alertness. He spent all night trying to find out more about Bokuto’s previous condition and subsequent surgery, but with no success. He wants nothing more than to call him and tell him that he knows, and to ask him all the questions he couldn’t find the answers to.

But he won’t. He can’t. 

Akaashi thinks about how happy a person Bokuto is. He’s someone Akaashi has never really seen upset. However, according to Kuroo, he was really affected by the growth of the feathers. Did he feel like Akaashi does? Did he feel worse?

It was at that moment that Akaashi made his decision. 

If Bokuto was happy now, after the surgery, Akaashi should feel the same. The prospect of a normal college life was appealing to him.

Akaashi wrote up a couple emails to his professors and his boss, saying that he was sick and wouldn’t be able to work or attend class. A quick search revealed that it would take about an hour to reach the surgeon’s office through public transportation.

Tiredness struck Akaashi once more. _A nap wouldn’t hurt._

The feathered boy headed back to his dorm to recharge before his trek, setting an alarm for eight in the morning so he could make it to the office when it opened at nine. 

Bokuto can’t wait much longer. Akaashi should have responded by now. Akaashi worked at eight, and it was nearing nine now. Bokuto taps his leg quickly. Sure, twenty minutes isn’t that long to wait for a reply, but the meaning behind his text message made the time pass excruciatingly slow. 

Bokuto typed out another message to Akaashi, but deleted it. 

_Maybe his phone died overnight too! Maybe he’s already at work and is just charging it._

_Or he’s ignoring you._

Bokuto pushes the last thought out of his head. Nah, Akaashi wasn’t the type of person to ignore someone, right? There must be a good reason for the lack of reply. 

Bokuto decides to make his way to the library on campus, in hopes of running into the boy and finding out for himself. 

Twenty minutes, three floors, and still no text message later, Bokuto gives up waiting. Running out of the building, he begins his trek to Akaashi’s dorm building.

He hovers over Akaashi’s contact name, and presses the call button. It rings over and over, until he’s sent to voicemail. He tries one more time for good measure. 

_Maybe he’s still sleeping, my calls should wake him up!_

After ringing a few times, the sound clicks. Bokuto stops his jog and listens closely.

“Akaashi? Are you up? You weren’t responding and I got really worried since you’re supposed to be at work and-”

“Bokuto.”

Bokuto stops his rambling. The way Akaashi said his name was so serious. _Maybe he was ignoring me. Maybe he found out that I knew about the feathers-_

“Bokuto, there’s something I need to tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! you can follow me on twitter @killuatea for updates on this fic as well as other anime content.


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